Discipline is for Dummies

Swipe, scroll, scroll, swipe, swipe.

It's 2 in the morning. I should probably go to sleep.

Swipe, swipe.

I don't have anywhere to be tomorrow, but still. Scroll.

It's getting late. Just a little more. Scroll, scroll.

Is that the sun peeking in? How is it... 4:30? It was just 2. Okay, just one last swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe…

A social media binge, starting from around 9 p.m., lasting several hours into the early morning. I used to have several of these per month, each one leaving me with an incredible feeling of guilt and disappointment.

What am I doing? I should have been sleeping, or at least working on this project that was due, or at least doing the damn dishes.

This pattern went on for years before I finally made The Decision.

I used to blame it on everything else: I was undisciplined. Social media apps are intentionally addictive. I have ADHD (completely self-diagnosed). I'll stop when I finally go back to using a flip phone (which I promised myself was "soon" for two years straight).

I would say anything to lessen the burden of personal accountability.

I have a mentor named Mike. One day, Mike and I went on one of our infamously long walk-and-talks. During this particular walk-and-talk, he told me about someone who had defrauded him in business and ran off with tens of thousands of dollars.

I was indignant for him.

"How could he? Did you get it back? Where does that lowlife live now? I know a guy who can handle people…” (I don’t)

Mike stopped walking. He does this for dramatic effect every time he wants to say something big.

"Well, it was my fault."

This only set me off even more. "What do you mean, your fault?"

"Yep."

"But he lied” I protested “he cheated, and stole from you."

"Sure did." Mike continued walking.

"You didn't do anything wrong. That's not your fault."

Mike stopped again, nearly causing me to bump into him. His expression shifted from his typical conniving smile to something decidedly more serious.

"It is my fault. I take responsibility for every single thing that happens in my life. And if you're smart, which I know you are, one day you will too."

All of these things in my life: the lack of discipline, the supposed ADHD, the addictive smartphone; they were all part of what Mike would call the "what so."

The "what so" is the environment, situation, and circumstances you find yourself within at any given time (the what) and your intended course of action in response to those conditions (the so).

So what phones are addictive? So what you might have ADHD? So what you're undisciplined?

What are you going to do about all of that so that you can still succeed? Mike was right, and I had to make The Decision.

My understanding of The Decision comes from Jen Sincero's book “You Are a Badass”, and it goes something like this:

You need to go from wanting to change your life to deciding to change your life.

So I decided.

I decided to stop relying on things I couldn’t depend on and start paying attention to the things I could.

If discipline isn't your strong suit, stop pretending it will be soon.

I knew it wasn't mine, so instead of trying to muster up the strength to fight the doomscroll urge every day, I gave up my phone to a friend of mine and had her set up Screen Time limits on my phone.

Nothing but the essentials works after 10:30 p.m. now. Fifteen minutes per day of internet access. And she has the password.

I couldn't get on it if I wanted to.

My dishes kept piling up in the sink. A week's worth of old food, bowls, mugs, and plates.

I live alone.

Instead of trying to mind control myself into being disciplined about doing the dishes I cleaned the dishes one final time and boxed up everything except for one plate, one cup, one bowl, one fork, one spoon, and one spatula.

Now the most I ever have to do is one day's worth of dishes.

Discipline is for dummies. Not really. But where possible, make your environment one that positions you to succeed. Create the conditions that don't even allow failure.

What have you been telling yourself you're just "not good enough" at yet that could actually be solved by a change in your environment or lifestyle requiring little to no sustained effort from you?

You’re more than capable of achieving the life to really want to live, it starts with Deciding that you Will live that life.

Start Today.

Love + Sincerity,

Jakada